Dedicated to: Linda Evangelista
→ On her youth and family
"It was traditional (Italian), even old-fashioned. When I was a teenager, I had to choose whether to go out on a Friday or Saturday night. Never both. And we always had proper meals."
→ First modeling experiences
Summer in Tokyo at 16 years old: "When I got there, I freaked out. It wasn't what they'd said it would be. They wanted nude and funny stuff. They asked me to strip to take my measurements, even though they had them already" Put up for the night in an apartment, she escaped and walked the streets, looking for a phone booth. When she told her parents that a man had helped her and she was phoning from his apartment, they went crazy. She returned home after a day and half. Even so, her mother let her have another try. When she finished school, Evangelista went to New York, on the condition that she would come home every weekend.
"One of my first jobs was in Italy and that's where I saw cocaine for the first time. There was a murder in our group that weekend. I decided then and there that I would never do drugs. I have anxiety attacks, so there's no way I could do them.
→ On being shy and dealing with anxiety attacks
"No one would ever believe that I was shy. Up on the runway I don't feel that way. I don't feel like they're looking at me. When I'm doing my job, nothing can touch me. I feel protected. It's backstage I feel vulnerable. My anxiety kicks in in social situations."
"I have this great fear of people - not when I'm on the runway, but backstage. In a room full of people, I really suffer. I sort of go into a tunnel and I feel very removed. I get so tense, I can't swallow, and my heartbeat goes way up. It still happens now, although I'm better at controlling it."
→ On cooking, food, and eating
"Cooking is one of my favourite things - from going to the market, bringing the stuff home and preparing it, to cleaning the kitchen afterwards. I've lost my figure a few times. There have been moments when I've overeaten, for comfort. But with discipline and hard work, you can get your figure back."
→ On health and exercise
"I accept that keeping in shape doesn't come naturally, so I work hard. I hit the gym every day: Pilates, yoga, weights. I used to love wine but I've stopped drinking. I quit smoking and I'll never start again."
→ On retirement in 1998
"I was having panic attacks. I didn't want to live that way anymore. I was in love and I wanted it to work. I was tired of travelling, tired of the whole scene, just tired. I sat around. I was lazy. I wanted a routine, and I wanted to wake up in the same bed every day, and I got my wish."
"The miscarriage was a big part of my absence. That contributed to my further laziness and depression. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go through. And I'm not over it, and I never will be. Everyone says, 'After you fall off a horse, get back up on it again,' but I didn't get back up on the horse. I didn't have the courage. I just think the further along in the term, the harder it is. You can't measure that kind of pain. I accept it, and I understand it; it's just hard. But life goes on. At least I'm optimistic."
→ On life after retirement and St. Tropez
"One of the reasons I wanted to come back is I got sick of seeing really ugly pictures of myself in the tabloids. I got to the point where I'd look in the mirror and say, Where'd she go? Because she's still in there.' I knew she was still in there (she laughs) and it didn't take much to get her out."
"I was a hoarder, and I got rid of everything. Now nothing comes in my home unless it has a purpose. And decor is not a purpose. Home is New York apartment with a table, a bed and sofas. That's it. Everything else is gone."
"All I want to do is model. The reason I'm coming back is for the same reasons that I became a model initially. It's about the clothes and the creation of great pictures. I thought I was old and that I earned my retirement, and enough! It's not enough. I want more. And I'm lucky that I still have that option."
→ On the past and living in the present
"I've learned to live in the moment, something I never used to do. I was always regretting the past, worrying about the future driven to go on working, taking every job. I took every job they threw at me because I thought this was going to be the last year. I grew up the day I gave up modeling (in 1998). I realized that what I wanted was a normal life and a routine. But then, after all the hard work and pressure -- listen, I used to take Concorde like people take the bus - I became really idle, and that didn't work for me, either."
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